Riot of Emotions
by booksindalibrary
Summary: After the curse was broken, Charlotte was left with unwanted feelings. (Manga spoilers, pre-canon. Crossposted from AO3.)


Charlotte plunged her face in the water. When she resurfaced, she slicked back her hair, glaring at the mirror above the sink. What a fool, she told herself half-heartedly. She was disappointing her squad members, surely. If they knew - if they could see into her heart - she would be doomed, her carefully cultivated image wrecked.

She was lucky no one had caught on. The way she blushed around him, turned to a stuttering mess. Her insides melting and unable to breathe properly; idle moments consumed by _him._

His voice and his face and _everything about him-_

 _No!_ Charlotte dunked her head under the water again, cursing her heart. Why him? Of all men, why _him_? Yami was the epitome of all she hated - at least, that's what she told herself. The only way to keep it under wraps. She had to hide it all and bury it under the surface. Never let anyone know about this. Never, ever, keeping it all hidden.

Desperation was tainting every thought. She didn't know if she could keep this up. It was all so difficult; why did she bother?

Why not give in and let the world see it?

 _If you do that, you'll be cast out of the Blue Roses,_ she thought despairingly. Whether or not it was true wasn't the point. The thought of joining anyone else hurt her.

Yami's face flashed across her vision again, and Charlotte forced her head under water, again and again, praying it would stop.

Because it hurt. It hurt her heart so much, it was slicing her open and tearing out her lungs. She just wanted to be in his arms-

Head back underwater. Again and again.

 _She just wanted to be happy with him-_

Head back underwater. Water in lungs, ignore the pain.

 _She just wanted him to love her back-_

Head out of the water. A choking sob. Please, gods, she begged. Give her strength to overcome this. It was the least they could do after subjecting her to the curse.

~o0o~

Charlotte was walking alone. It was startling what difference being in and out of Magic Knight uniform made to a civilian's eye. Now she was being ogled, the fools not knowing who she was. Then again, she couldn't blame them – she was a noble walking among commoners. So long as none of them dared touch her, she would let them be.

A familiar voice – oh, it was _his-_

Could she hide in time? Apparently not, given someone wearing the Black Bulls insignia was currently standing in front of her, bowing slightly and saying something she guessed he thought was charming.

"Don't come near me," Charlotte said loftily.

He looked like he had burned. "Oh, come on, don't be like that-"

A hand chopped on his skull, catching both of them by surprise. "Oi, don't go flirting with other squads' captains."

Charlotte felt her heart jump violently, sending spasms of pain down her spine. "Yami," she said, careful to keep her voice neutral over the screech of _captain?_ from the other Black Bull.

"So you're still walking around," Yami said, looking vaguely pissed. Charlotte had no idea what he was angry about.

"I am."

"Woulda thought you'd have stopped. Given _that's_ broken." Yami eyed Charlotte. "Are you on Magic Knight business?"

"No." She could feel her face burning. She looked past his shoulder, ignoring the steady look the other Black Bull was giving her. She asked herself if she could control her emotions – to which she replied she could.

Charlotte attempted to school her expression into something resembling self-control as Yami said, "You could be a little more inviting towards _me,_ Miss Ice Queen."

Her stomach started eating itself in despair as Charlotte said, as coldly as she could, "I didn't ask for you men to associate with me."

 _Please stay with me_ _,_ she asked silently.

Yami shrugged, apparently uncaring, walking away at a pace too fast for any normal person, and yet he made it look easy. Charlotte locked her legs in place, refusing to allow herself to try and follow.

"I'm Finral," the Black Bull told her, flashing a smile.

Charlotte wondered if it was okay for her to fling him across Clover Kingdom.

"So, a crush on our captain, hmm?"

Charlotte gaped at him as heat rose in her cheeks even more. "N-No."

Finral smiled almost sadly. "Good luck," he told her, waving as he left. "And don't worry – I won't tell a soul."

Charlotte recovered, shoving Yami out of her mind as she said, "If you do, I _will_ kill you."

"I believe it," Finral muttered as he loped after Yami, looking disturbed at the threat.

~o0o~

Head underwater. Until your breath ran out and the water started pushing itself against your nose and started squeezing. Purge it purge it _purge it purge-_

Why her? Why did it have to be her to fall for him like this? She was sinking into her own self-pity, digging a hole for herself, deeper and deeper until she couldn't see out of it

His face flashing across her vision again, and her legs buckled. She fell, knees hitting the floor sharply, staring up at the ceiling blankly.

Charlotte Roselei, she told herself, should not be like this. She was a noble and a Magic Knight - she was better than this.

A Blue Rose knight who supposedly looked down on men, who only fought alongside women, falling in love with _him_. The absurdity of her situation kept cropping up, slapping her across the face.

"I am Charlotte Roselei," she whispered, trying to convince herself to stand. "I am not weak. I am not helpless."

But weak enough to fail in breaking the curse on her family. Weak enough to rely on another's strength-

But he said to learn to accept help, didn't he? Did that mean she should seek it? Gain support from her squad, or from her family. And it wasn't weak of her to need Yami's strength in this. Of course it wasn't. But she should gain support-

 _Support for what?_ She asked herself. _Was she so helpless in love?_

 _Not for that,_ she scolded herself. She wouldn't seek help for _that_ \- she would seek help for becoming captain of the Blue Rose Squad, for a start. And then after that she could decide for herself. After that she would deal with this riot of emotions inside of her.

 _But never deny it's there._

Charlotte hardened her resolve and set a purpose in mind. She knew where she was heading.

She would not let any man define her; she was Charlotte Roselei of the Blue Rose Squad. She was going to, first and foremost, protect her country and strive to be as strong as she could. She would turn her heart to stone, for no woman needed a man by her side.

 _(Not matter how much she loved him-)_

* * *

 **I love this ship ngl**


End file.
